Background:

We geese are not really gum chewers.   We also don't do lots of all nighters.  Our normal "stay up" exlixir is Diet Pepsi (36 mg caffeine per can).   But we wanted to try the caffeine gum after hearing promises of "fast caffeine delivery" (faster than coffee or soda that delivers caffeine by absorbtion in the stomach instead of under the tongue, as the gum promises) and "ability to stay up all night".  Don't get us wrong...we aren't avoiding sleep.  We love getting a full 8 hours!  But every once in awhile, we do need to alter the schedule a bit (like while we're travelling!) so we thought we'd give this a try.

Where we got our Gum:

You can buy this stuff on the internet and pay more in shipping than the gum costs!    Plus, you'd have to accept a lifetime supply.  

We got smart and ran to our local, independent convenience store, where we like to get our lucky lottery tickets and where they accept our Kangoo jumps.   Who couldn't love a convenience store that doesn't mind Kangoo jumps in the store?? 

When we were at the store, we saw caffeine mints too.  The storekeeper hadn't tried any of the caffeine thingies so we couldn't get a recommendation (hmmm...they don't try what they sell???).  So, we stuck with our originally researched Jolt Gum.

Unscientific Testing Method:

 Not exactly a scientific study...but a replication of our "real live" scenario that we wanted to use the gum in.  We gathered together with LOTS of activities to keep us busy all night - a fresh Starsky and Hutch DVD, lots of lace knitting (to measure alertness), backup rib knitting (in case we weren't alert enough to do the lace), lots of water, snacks etc.

 We woke up at 8am so we really didn't get all that tired until 10pm.  At this point, our normal "tricks" worked...just get up, walk around, play musical chairs, get comfortable again with a nice piece of dark chocolate.  We were awake again and back to Starsky and Hutch and knitting.   That lasted past midnight... at which point we tried a bit of Kareoke with Maurane's L'Heureux concert video.   You wouldn't believe how good you'll feel after a bit of synchronized hip motion to La Musique a Souvent Raison, followed by Des Millions des Fois (despite the lyric error in the live concert!).

By 1:51am, we were really pooped out, beyond Maurane or even Matt Bianco's Wap Bam Boogie (all versions) - you know you're pooped if Wap Bam Boogie (with associated dance) doesn't keep you awake.    Ok...so we cautiously try ONE piece of gum at this point (approx equivalent to one Diet Pepsi).

Just some background on gum chewing.  We geese believe that a normal piece of gum has two flavors...the one you bought (we happen to like Hubba Bubba Strawberry) and "abscence of" flavor (ie that moment when you realize that there is no flavor left and it's just a gummy mass of goo).  

 To help you, dear readers, understand the experience with Jolt Caffeine Gum, we have to explain that this gum has THREE flavors!  There is the flavor you bought (we got Icy Mint), then there's...uh, we'll politely refer to it as "undescribable flavor" and then it later migrates to "absence of" flavor.  

Back to the story...we each pop one piece of gum (approx 1/2 cup of coffee).  CoralGoose screams "Hey, this is good stuff!!!" (referring to the Icy Mint flavor).   All the geese continue to flap their beaks.  Not 1 minute later, SallyGoose says, "uh...my gum is changing flavors..."  CoralGoose says, "What is that...?????   Where did my Icy Mint go???"   Now there's chaos at the nest...what is that, undescribable flavor???    At this point, trust us, we were all WIDE awake, beaks continuing to flap trying to describe the tolerable, yet undescribable flavor!!!!    We were afraid to stop chewing since maybe we hadn't chewed all the caffeine out of the gum and we would miss the whole point of chewing the gum!   We must say though, we were all thankful 5 mins later when the taste migrated from "undescribable flavor" to "absence of" flavor.   We tried to continue to chew the tasteless goo but one piece of gum is just not much goo and all we were doing was filling our stomachs with air.  We gave up and tossed the piece of useless, caffeine-free goo.  At this point, a poll of the geese showed that we were all wide awake, still lace knitting but unpleased.

A half hour later, the girl geese revolted and declared that a Diet Pepsi would be necessary to continue the experiment and WilburGoose agreed, that for the sake of sanity, a single Diet Pepsi per goose would be allowed (he was about to be tarred/feathered at that point).  A Diet Pepsi and more Starsky and Hutch and everything was calm again...back to knitting.

Ok...So 4:26am, the geese got tired again - REALLY tired.  That's when WilburGoose decides that maybe we messed up, we should have used the recommended 2 pieces of gum.  So, each goose pops in 2 pieces of gum (approx 2 Diet Pepsi's worth of caffeine).   Beaks start flapping again, and the cycle immediately started up again...great Icy mint flavor turns to, uh, undescribable flavor.  Wilbur starts screaming "keep chewing!!!  KEEP CHEWING!!!"   Beaks continue to flap.  Everyone is thrilled 5 mins later when we move on to "absence of" flavor.  Once again, we were awake and back to lace knitting, but quite unhappy (the undescribable flavor...it will be etched forever in our mind and taste buds).

At 5:30am, WilburGoose wants to continue the experiment and see if more gum might work, but at that point, even CarsonGoose is with the girl geese in screaming "We're tired!!!"  WilburGoose, wanting to control the goose crowd (and live to see another meal...) decides that the experiment is over.  Geese flopped into bed by 6am, only having survived 22 instead of the desired 24 hours.

Closing Remarks:

We agree that the gum DOES live up to the advertising...it did deliver the caffeine in only 5 mins and it did keep us alert enough to do lace knitting (never had to resort to the ribbing).  However, the unadvertised effect was the feeling that we needed to "pop pills" to stay awake.  SallyGoose says, "If we wanted to feel like druggies, we could have gotten No-Doz, ephedra or some other unspellable/unpronounceable item!"   CoralGoose started looking and feeling like the strung out druggies on Hawaii 5-0, "Chicken, I need, I NEED!!!" (see Season 1, "....And They Painted Daisies on His Coffin" - with Gavin McLeod as the drug dealer, Big Chicken, "The Love Boat" will never be the same again after watching this!!!).

By contrast, we find Diet Pepsi to be quite a refreshing drink, with the side benefit of caffeine.  We missed the pleasure of the carbonated drink!!!  This was certainly an effect that we never anticipated (and we assure you, CoralGoose NEVER has that "I need" look before drinking a Diet Pepsi!).

However, we do recognize that there are times when it's not very convenient to have a chilled Diet Pepsi available but you do need the caffeine...say when you're driving a long distance at night and don't want to search for a cold one or for the bathroom that will be needed a bit later!   We also agree that it takes longer to get the "wide awake" effects from a drink compared to the gum (at least 20 mins for a DP and 5 mins for the gum).

The one thing that can't be ignored is that the effect doesn't last very long.  Sure, if we have a 20 min drive, we wouldn't hesitate to chew 2 pieces of gum (which lasted 1 hour), despite the undescribable flavor, but, as the advertising says, the gum is not a substitute for sleep!!!   However, when we have a choice (and a clean bathroom near by), we'll go back to our normal Diet Pepsi and dancing method of staying awake (anyone up for Matt Bianco's Golden Days, followed up with Wap Bam Boogie 2006?).   WilburGoose has taken the gum away from the rest of the geese and has refilled the fridge with Diet Pepsi...for everyone's safety and sanity.